To spice things up, try something new like a different sex position or adding a blind fold to shift your sensory experience.
Channel your inner teenager and kiss, hug, and snuggle your partner like you did when you first met.
It’s important to share your fantasies with your partner. Use your imagination and share your most erotic ideas.
If you’ve been married for more than a few years, chances are you and your mate have fallen into a routine – from who takes out the trash to who picks up the kids from school. And while getting into a groove can be a good thing, when it comes to your sex life, it’s best to aim for variety.
Spicing up your sex life can improve your relationship with your partner and result in a host of health benefits. “Sex is an aerobic activity, which means it can boost your heart health,” says Rachel Needle, PsyD, a clinical psychologist and sex therapist based in West Palm Beach, Florida. “One energetic act of intercourse burns 180 calories – which, believe it or not, is equivalent to about 20 minutes of gentle jogging or playing a 9-hole round of golf.”
Getting frisky with your significant other can also boost your mood. Sex releases endorphins, your brain’s “feel-good” chemicals. Plus, the hormones released during sex may lower depression and anxiety levels and boost immunity, says Needle. Having regular intercourse with your partner can also improve sleep, enhance longevity, and protect brain function.
So, how can you spice up your sex life? Start with these simple (yet sexy) strategies.
1. Try something new.
Over time, most couples adopt a fairly predictable sexual script, says Needle. To change things up, try something new. Start with something simple like a different position or adding a blind fold to shift your sensory experience, suggests Ellen Barnard, MSSW, a sex educator and counselor in Madison, Wisconsin. You could also introduce sex toys, role play, dress up, or change the scenery.
2. Make out like teenagers.
At the beginning of a relationship, couples enjoy deep, sexy kissing, and they touch each other in arousing ways, says Needle. But as a relationship matures, that lovey-dovey behavior can take a backseat to chores and mundane activities. Channel your inner teenager and kiss, hug, and snuggle your partner like you did when you first met. Doing so will help keep your marriage sexually alive.
3. Schedule romantic activities.
“Taking time out to spend with your partner is one of the most loving things you can do for each other,” says Susan Kaye, PhD, a sex therapist located in San Antonio and Austin, Texas, and Philadelphia. “I suggest that couples get a copy of the book 8 Erotic Nights, which offers eight sensual activities that will show you and your partner how to please each other.” Take turns picking out an activity and you’ll connect more passionately with your partner.
4. Share your fantasies.
“Fantasies are underutilized by couples,” says Roger Libby, PhD, a sex therapist and adjunct professor and distinguished lecturer at the Institute for the Advanced Study of Sexuality in San Francisco. “But it’s important to use your imagination and share your most erotic desires with your partner.” If you’re feeling shy, set the mood by lighting some candles, turning off electronics, and playing romantic music. Once you’re both feeling relaxed and intimate, open up to your significant other.
5. Watch a sexy DVD.
“I recommend couples watch and discuss The Better Sex Video Series, which is a compilation of sex education pieces,” says Dr. Libby. “It shows real life couples exploring sexual positions and techniques and talking about what they enjoy.” You’ll learn Kama Sutra positions, sexual anatomy (including the elusive G-spot), erotic massage, and the four fundamentals of foreplay (oral sex, erotic talk, sensual touch, and kissing).
6. See a sex therapist.
Still feeling stuck in a rut? Consider seeing a certified sex therapist. “Therapy is not necessarily reserved for problems,” says Needle. “It can be about education, growth, and sexual development.” To find a sex therapist near you, check out the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists.